Writer, desperately seeking misery

Seeking one (1) applicant to be strung along indefinitely and futilely in search of a poorly defined job.  Applicant must not: Expect to hear back from us, ever. (pic from www.eustis.org)

Seeking one (1) applicant to be strung along indefinitely and futilely in search of a poorly defined job. Applicant must not: Expect to hear back from us, ever.
(pic from http://www.eustis.org)

So, as it turns out, working 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. five days a week totally sucks.

I know this isn’t really a huge shock or anything.  I’m more surprised that at some point in human history, we decided to develop an entire society around the concept of hard work and sacrifice.  Who thought that was a good idea!?  If it was up to me, we’d work Saturday and Sunday, and then have off Monday through Friday.  No, I haven’t thought about the economic implications of that.  Why do you ask?

Searching for a new job can definitely feel like a lose-lose situation.  In this, you are but a faceless number, one of a million castaways adrift in the sea of poverty, fighting to be rescued by any passing ship.  Except every ship out there has no fruit so you’re guaranteed to get scurvy either way, and most of the crew mates are cannibals.

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That first cuppa

Welp, ruined that.

I don’t really know much about coffee.  Caffeine is one of those things that any kid who had a childhood worth a damn knows about, and believe me I’ve had plenty of that over the years.  But coffee, aah, that’s like the big brother of carbonated beverages.  While Mountain Dew and Pepsi are out playing on the swings and Coke and Dr. Pepper are building sand castles in the yard, coffee is reading about the stock market in the paper in a full suit, ready for a day of sticking it to the corporate work week.

I think I really assumed that as I got older, carbonated beverages would stop really being a dominant thing, slowly phased out in favor of coffee.  This never happened, so there was no real way to adjust.  Then, last week, I had my first honest to god cuppa coffee, and good lord I screwed it up.

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Wake up, people: The art of a good conspiracy

We will crush the puny athletic hu-mons!

I’ve been trying to learn more about conspiracy theories lately.  Not because I’m looking to join a movement or to spend the rest of my life in a bunker drinking filtered piss to survive, mind you.  No, I’m learning about conspiracies because they are silly.  I’m fully aware that every conspiracy theory has at least one issue rooted in fact, but seeing where people take it from there is truly a spectacle to watch.  I’m…  only mildly poking fun at people’s beliefs, mind you.  My theory on conspiracies is that I would be much more willing to listen to one if they would present us with a scenario that doesn’t end in society grinding to a complete and utter halt and the world being transformed into glass by nukes.

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